Brave New World
Living isn’t always easy, is it? And yes, I know that we in the Western ‘world’, especially in England, have it pretty good. But one thing that Life has taught me so far is that it is ok to take a moment and realise that you could be travelling down a path that is making you truly unhappy.
And that’s ok. Because the moment you realise this is the moment that you have the strength to change. That strength probably won’t come straight away, but it WILL come, usually once you have been through a lot of hardship.
And when it does come you will feel as though you have been born again.
Here are some of the wonderful, beautiful things in Life that have helped me find a little bit more of who I am:
Learning not to force things is so important. If something doesn’t come naturally to you to the point where you realise that a) it’s making you fake your emotions or b) you genuinely don’t enjoy it, then that is you, your instinct, your gut, telling you that it isn’t for you. So many times have I realised this, ignored it, and just kept going – ‘best’ friends that weren’t, people whose company I didn’t enjoy, internships, courses, countries… The list goes on. And it’s always been a bit of a train wreck at the end.
It’s ok to feel like this because we are all just living it for the first time.
(That’s George talking, a special man in my life who has taught me so many lessons).
If you’re feeling this way, it just means that there is something else out there for you, something better that will make your heart sing. It’s your body and your mind quietly telling you that it isn’t for you. Let it go.
This is probably the most difficult thing to do, so give it time. When all of what you thought you held dear is stripped away and you are left questioning your very self, your loves, your interests, the very essence of who you are as a person… You collapse inwards…
I think when you fall apart completely the strongest, hardest, most painful thing you have to do is put yourself back together, and that takes TIME, much more Time than people realise.
However, once you have been to that dark place, you will start to recognise the signs that tell you you might be going there again. Certain things will trigger it, and you will learn how to avoid it.
This is just the process of finding out who you truly are, and what you love enough to bring you back to Earth.
If you start relearning yourself all over again, this time it will be more truthful, a You who is more sure of themselves, who has faced their fears, and realised themselves again.
Looking back, I realise now that there was a good deal of what I like to call ‘padding’ in my Life. Emotional padding, academic, professional – all things that distracted my mind. It took many guises. But it was when it was all stripped away that I lost touch with my Self. When I put myself back together again, I am pleased to say that even in those darkest of times, I could find my way back. There was a little light burning inside of me that never fully went out. I know so much more about myself now than I ever could have done then.
Just so you know:
Mine took me years.
I’m still getting there.
This is your Phoenix Moment.
This is the greatest lesson that I have ever learnt, and it was taught to me by Morgan Stewart, author of Boobs and Loubs, soon to be (I have no doubt) a best-selling book, Boobs, Loubs and Blowjobs. I found it on her Instagram page and I saved it immediately, thinking ‘that’s the Truth’, ‘that’s what I think and couldn’t find the words to say’. It has given me such strength to look into my dreams, my thoughts, the wayward ideas that carry me through. Even the most ‘out there’ thoughts have a place here. All of those musings that you find your mind wandering to and then coming away from thinking ‘that will never happen’ – this is their home and this is where your truth lies.
Life lesson: When picking an ideal career it is important to ask yourself what it is the fills your spare time – what would you be doing if you didn’t have to do any of the things that you don’t want to do, like ‘work’ or school, etc.? Where does your mind go when you are daydreaming? What is the thing that you can’t not do, that you don’t even notice that you are doing because it is just so natural? The thing that makes you happy, the thing you do to relax?
This is where your dream career path lies. It is in the thing you can’t stop yourself doing, the thing that you do just for you and no one else. Remember that.
Did this help you? Comment below and I will always reply.
In love and light. FS x